He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
