My friends, they love my intelligence
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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