I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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