Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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