You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
