You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize