if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
