The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize