is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My underwear smells like fireworks.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
