I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
