she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
