I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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