I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
