I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
