My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize