whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
