Don't make out with my wife yet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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