I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
