TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
