He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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