I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
