i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
