Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
