And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
