nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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