Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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