Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
