I need help removing her.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
