remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
