The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
