Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
