So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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