well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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