it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
