she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
