did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
