Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i already hear my dad disowning me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
