I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
