i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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