Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
