It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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