im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize