He is an equal opportunity slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
