You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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