if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
