Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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