i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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