There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dick has a subreddit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
