I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
