Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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