we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
