I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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