so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
