I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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