xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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