I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
