the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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