FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can feel your judgement through the phone
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize