so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
