It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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