Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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