i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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