I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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