Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
