k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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