he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize