Where did you get a picture of my penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize