38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
