remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
