Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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