"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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