I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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