I can tuck mytits in my pants
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
