so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
