Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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