Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
