Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
