So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
