he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
