I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
