I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
