i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
