I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
