I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
