2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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