My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
