I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
