One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
