I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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