I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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