you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
