your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My life is pants optional.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
