Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
