Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
