My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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