she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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