Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
