He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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