why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
